...but I kept reading...

I know that bars aren't the best places to meet women. It's just that bars are really good places to get beer and hangout with friends.

Libraries, bookstores, and churches attract far better candidates. It's just that those places are really good places to shut the fuck up and get some thinking done.

Take Barnes & Noble for instance. I see her in her really hot dress and boots studying some college bio. She sees me see her review steps of the Kreb's cycle or cell mitosis, and nothing is as hot as that. Nothing.

But unfortunately as I stated earlier, bookstores are perfect places to keep your pie-hole shut and flip through receptacles of information.

I like "Men's Health" magazine. I think the articles are fairly educational and engaging, but nothing could warrant me not even saying hello or asking about whether I could review RNA replication for a few minutes. It's actually an amazing set of steps.

But I kept reading about exercises I don't do and things that I should be eating. I kept reading like something in those pages might give me the cleverest of quips or pump me up to do something - anything.

But I kept reading, and the only thing I found out while flipping through that magazine is I might be wasting my time in the gym and that I eat like a pig.

And as I walked by her on my way out I feel the all too familiar chill of fear and apathy wash over me. The magazine was just a prop - just something to fill in the failure to act.

Where are my balls? I do own a pair somewhere. The last time I remember using them was waiting for some drunk guy's next move for whether I would attempt to shatter his orbital bone and send him falling to the floor, but I was buzzed, too. So that piece of intoxicated heroics doesn't really count.

I'll probably never bump into her again, but on the off chance I should fiend for some Starbucks and a "Transworld Surf" magazine, I'll bring along some testicular fortitude.

Or maybe I need to make like I'm in church and 1) shut the fuck up 2) stop beating my sorry ass up for being so socially retarded 3) pray for better days and 4) give thanks for the days I'm given since they pretty much rock my face off despite my occasional whining.

Oh...and 5) check out the cutie five pews up. (I know. I'm going to hell, but it's not for anything I've done in church.)