Myspace is a great place to find friends (85% of them you never talk to), post announcements (that nobody reads), do stupid surveys (that nobody reads), leave random comments, push whatever awesome Youtube clip is going viral at the moment (it's The Lonely Island's "I'm on a Boat" this week), and invite people to join your fictitious mafia (you're not even Italian, poser!).
Some of you might have jumped ship months ago to Facebook, but it's kind of the same kind of stuff. People find you, they ask you to do crazy things like add apps that exchange cyber cocktails and drinks (WTF?), they change their status, you leave comments on that aforementioned status, and everyone else leaves a comment about your comment and/or the actual person's status.
It's the evolution or de-evolution of social interaction. I can't really tell which since I'm wading waist deep in both networks. It's like the first month of dating someone - you really can't tell how shitty it really is since you're just having fun, and everything's cool.
Well, I've been going out with Myspace for like 2 billion years, and the shit has hit the fan (and I don't have a replacement fan, and I live in blog hell).
You see - I have a bad habit called blogging, and while Myspace was cool with my blogging for awhile, I've realized it's good for lots of stuff, but heavy-duty blogging isn't one of them.
So here's the deal, dude: This Blogger thing is ushering a new era of nonsensical blogs and hopefully a 5 minute break from serious everyday life.
Here's what you can expect:
1. Bizarrely long conjunctive sentences that don't express a coherent idea.
2. Fart/poop jokes, foop/shart jokes.
3. Liberal referencing of http://www.urbandictionary.com.
What?!
You haven't used urbandictionary.com?! How is that possible?! Here's some homework, slackers: look up "bag pipes", "mung", "pruno", and "Abraham Lincoln".
4. Numerical lists
Here's what you won't get:
1. Top 10 lists - all the ones I have read are wrong, which automatically elicit strong emotions, but this power comes cheaply like punching a blind, retarded kid in the face. "Why would you punch a blind, retarded kid in the face?" you ask. You wouldn't. No one should ever have to stoop that low which also applies to Top 10 lists. In the end, the writer comes off as a moron, and the reader is treated to a punch in the face. Just because you can doesn't make it right unless it's like flying or shooting rainbows from your ass. That shit is just cool - no doubt about it.
By the way, my numerical lists may appear in the same format as a Top 10 list, but there will be no ranking involved since I don't know shit about shit, and nobody would give a shit if I did. Plus, you guys don't look blind or retarded.
2. Seriousness. OK, I might have a few blogs that might be considered sad or gay, but I swear on my grave that stuff will have ninjas and partying sprinkled somewhere in it.
3. Sloths. I detest sloths. Ewwww, fucking gross....and creepy...and just all kinds of evil and wrong. I know that every living thing has a purpose, but maybe sloths were put here before that rule was made, or maybe their purpose is to evolve into man-eating monsters. Have you seen their claws?!! I think their purpose is to eat lead...from a machine gun.
That concludes my first Blogger blog. You should subscribe to my shit. Tell your freinds about this, too. It wasn't that bad, was it?
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