And I say to myself, "What a Wonderful Turd!"

Who am I? What am I doing? Where am I going? Where do I want to go? How am I going to get there? What the hell am I going to do when I do get there?

Will they have beer there?

A co-worker asked me when I'll get to work on my writing career a few days ago. MY WRITING CAREER?! Here's a dude that just recently came across some of my old columns from my college days, and he thinks it merits a career!

Where did my faith in my words go? The more I read the news out there the more I realize I'm starting to believe what the media is dishing out. Main stream media has convinced us life is a shit sandwich, and we're required to eat it.

Here's the deal, dude: Fuck that. Don't believe that. Actually, fuck what I just said. Believe whatever you want, but decide for yourself. Hopefully, you think life is short and sweet like a chocolate-covered midget. Maybe you think the opposite - life is long as shit; so take it easy. Either way life is awesome. Maybe my writing career should be to remind you things aren't that bad.

Despite the economy, the break-ups, the wars, the 8 o'clock classes, the bird shitting on your car seconds after you finally get around to washing it, the rain storm that comes after you clean off the bird shit, the scandals, and the food poisonings, life overall doesn't suck that bad.


I mean, if this guy can find some kind of joy in life, life can't be all that bad, right? I personally hate karaoke, but this cracks my shit up. The economic downturn kind of melts away for a few minutes when I watch this:



Who am I trying to kid? I'm kind of a dick, but I give credit where credit is due, and this lady right here proves that one's failure can provide viewing pleasure for millions. I cease to think about MY failures with love and life in general when I see this:



But I don't rely solely on others' failures for my pleasure. Feats of awesome randomness are just as good. I especially like my own past accomplishments. Check me out when I was just a wee lad:



OK OK OK, that wasn't me, but it was still awesome, and if anybody believed me for a minute and 49 seconds, thanks! Lying kind of makes me happy, too.

So screw all the bad news. There's just too much of it to go around. I'm gonna get working on this writing career. You just keep reading, and it wouldn't hurt to keep laughing since there really is no sense in worrying too much about life.

Nobody is getting out of this thing alive anyways.