A wiseman once wrote something really cool and wise; I wrote this:

Remember when you were 3 years old and you wanted to know why everything is the way it is? Even better - remember the last time you hung out with a 3 year old, and they were asking the same damn questions?

Does it seem like the older we get the more we accept the answer "That's the way it is"? I feel that we stop asking "Why?"

A long long time ago my parents bought me and my bro a pair of cowboy boots. For some reason, I kept wearing them on the wrong feet, and when my little bro asked, "Hey, don't they just feel wrong?" I asked myself "What's so wrong about the feeling of wearing your shoes on the wrong feet?" It's not like bells go off in your brain that tell you "This crap is messed up!" It's not like the feeling you would get if you drowned a litter of kittens or something. So why couldn't I wear the my boots on the wrong feet?

I also remember the time my dad was teaching me about the value of nickels, dimes, pennies, quarters, and half dollars. My little bro picked it up really quick. My question was "Who says this piece of metal is worth more than this piece of metal?" They're all just round pieces of metal. I finally gave my pops the answers that he was looking for just so I wouldn't get my ass whooped for being a dumbass.

So I learned that playing along and giving the accepted answers will get you out of a lot of trouble. After awhile, it becomes habit, but for some reason, I'm starting to question things again. This time though the answers aren't so clear.

Like "Does Spring Break end at college graduation?" For some reason Spring Break seems to happen on every other day off. I still listen to club mixes of songs in the car and yell like crazy sometimes - all while I drive around doing errands. I still plan to spike a watermelon with vodka once a month but never get around to it, but I still plan anyway. I go to the beach before work.



"Can I be a Republican and still hate war?" The real question is "Who actually LIKES war?" I'm not naive enough to think that everything can be fixed with negotiation. Some sides are driven to commit horrible atrocities where negotiations would just mean a few more to add to the body count, but I don't like the reality of war. The Dems want to paint a picture of Republicans as war fanatics, and the Republicans want to say that the Dems lack steadfastness and courage. Deep down inside I know we all wish we weren't in this situation to begin with. Now if we can all agree on that maybe there is some hope for "One nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all."

Next question: "How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" I'm pretty sure the answer is "all of it." It's a little known fact that woodchucks lack the lzY gene. This is the gene that causes laziness. In fact, the scientists that discovered this gene in chimpanzees were so lazy themselves that they left out the "a" in the gene's name because that meant another letter to bother writing down. So with no laziness to hamper a woodchuck and no time limit, all of the wood would be chucked. (This gene fact is so "little known" that you can consider it "not known" or just "made up" by a "drunken writer".)

Last question: "Why can't I have a beer for breakfast?" and the alternate question: "Why can't I have a beer with breakfast and go on my usual morning jog?" The answer will hit you like a semi-truck full of stupid at around 10:27 in the morning if you even attempt this tragic lapse of common sense.

The weird part of this last question is the fact that the answer is something I've heard as a kid.

"Stop being stupid. Shut up, and finish your oatmeal." If only I had listened...