No Beer in Gym

First off, I need to apologize to the lady running on the treadmill next to me. I had no business being in the gym after four beers. Hell, the four coffees, bagel, and Philly cheese steak didn't help either, but I don't regret actually making it to the gym since the gym was the first responsible thing I did that day.

But the burps were out of hand unless you like the combined smell of onion, garlic, stomach acid, and beer. It was pretty rank, and with every stride I knew it wasn't long before I actually would see the source of the stench.

So, I stopped running. It was the only decent thing to do.

Disaster averted...until I decided to actually workout. (Yeah, the treadmill was a warm-up for the stupidity that would ensue. You never want to cramp up in the middle of doing something dumb. Cramping gets in the way of disappearing from the scene of the crime.)

Long story short - I'm an idiot.



Short story long - here are the following exercises to avoid when you're full of the aforementioned food and drink:

1. Situps - Anything that causes the crap in your gullet to slosh around should be avoided. The crunch movement is the last thing you want to attempt especially the decline situp. In fact, any body positioning that places your head below your feet is retarded.

2. Standing dumb bell exercises - After consuming beers in quick succession, standing kind of sucks. Any lifting of weights should be done sitting. Any lifting of weights over your head is just a bad idea - a very bad idea. Plus, the fact that one dumb bell can independently do whatever it wants is pretty hazardous. Factor in the other dumb bell and you have every ounce of bad karma lining up to kill you. That's what you get for making fun of the pee kid in first grade, asshole.

3. Barbell exercises - While much safer than dumb bells, most of my barbell exercises use a shit-ton more weight than dumb bell stuff, and a shit-ton of anything is a shitload of shit (especially when the possibility of that shit falling on your head and chest is involved).

4. Any exercise that involves your head moving too much - This rules out pushups, pullups, and dips. Unless you want to transform into a puke sprinkler, avoid this stuff. Trust me.


So if you avoid running on a treadmill, barb bell exercises, dumb bell exercises, situps, and anything that involves head movement, you'll have a "great" time at the gym.

But here's a better idea:

1. Don't drink and go to the gym.

2. Eat a well balanced breakfast.

3. Don't go to the beach under red flag conditions with a six pack of Miller Lite.

4. Don't drink and go to the gym, moron.